We are learning to...
- write a personal recount about something we have done or experienced
- have an opening statement that tells who what and when
- write the events in the order they happened
- have a conclusion or personal response
On Sunday the 21st of March, it was my baby cousin Ezra's birthday. He turned 1 year old. First I went upstairs. My brother and I and some other cousins of Ezra's played a Kinext game. On it there were heaps of awesome games to play. I played lots of them. After that, my other cousins Jade and Liam arrived. Then Jade came upstairs with a Pass the Parcel. I played it as well. After that it was dinner. For my dinner I had lots of chips and I had some bacon and of course lots of tomato sauce because it is my second favourite thing in the world. After, I played upstairs with the balloons. After that I spent some time with my brother, and then I played on the X-Box. And then it was dessert time. I had cake, jelly and ice cream.
I don't think you have fully finished the story.
Well done for writing things in the order in which they happened. You are even trying to use some descriptive words.